Interview with Michael Snyder, Author of Return Policy

---Today I am posting the first half of an interview that I conducted with Michael Snyder, whose second novel, Return Policy, was released a few months ago. I've written about Michael in a previous post.

RH: Let’s start with the most important question first: At what point after you married my lovely niece, Alicia, did you realize the incredible bonus of having me as your aunt? Describe your feelings in as many words needed. Take your time...no rush...

MS:-Oh, I realized the benefits immediately, if not before.

The actual sensation is difficult to describe, but not terribly unlike an early onset bout of the giggles, followed close behind with that funny bone feeling that began in my toenails and swirled upward until my spine was practically dancing with joy (or possibly shimmying…a close call), ending with euphoric hangover that included (but was in no way limited to) whooping cough, slight gas pains, and a small patch of acne behind my left knee.

But I’m sure you get that answer all the time.

RH: Return Policy is your second novel, following the equally enjoyable My Name is Russell Fink. How did you grow as a writer from one to the next?

MS: -Definitely not taller.

I think more than anything it’s getting a little easier to discern what to leave out of my stories. There are a lot of details and anecdotes that an author needs to know that don’t necessarily need to make it onto the page. This is especially true with character-driven stories (as opposed to plot-driven).

I heard a great musician comment once that he liked to think of the notes he played as stepping-stones to the next silence. Sometimes, what’s implied is as powerful as what makes it into print. So it’s difficult sometimes to leave things out, to “kill my darlings.” But if it makes the book better, it must be done.

RH: The three main characters in Return Policy are Willy, Ozena and Shaq. The story alternates between these characters, all speaking in the first person. What do you do to make sure that their voices are distinct one from the other?

MS: -That’s a great question. And I just hope, on some level, that I actually did make their voices unique. There are lots of ways to accomplish this, some more subtle than others. It really has to do with knowing your characters well...and frankly, loving them well.

The real difficulty in this book was Shaq. He was an educated homeless man. He’s also a bit delusional. So saddling him with specific speech patterns or jargon was all but impossible. It was very important for Shaq to feel credible, no matter who he was talking to. As such, his speech patterns tended to change based on the conversation he was having at the time.

For Willy and Ozena, I just had to spend time getting to know them. Then it’s just a matter of staying true to their character.

RH: It is evident in your writing that you are one funny guy. How do you come up with those witty descriptions and scenarios?

MS: -Wow, thanks! And I don’t really have a very good answer for this question. I’m just glad you asked it. So I’m providing this non-answer to ensure that the question stays in the interview!

RH: What is your process when you begin to write a book?

MS: -Procrastinate, panic, pray, repeat. Eventually I sit down and actually start typing. Then back to my three P’s above.

I’m not much of a plotter, more of a seat-of-the-pants writer. In fact, my favorite part of the process is the actual composing. I love it when something completely unplanned and/or unscripted comes flying into my brain and out of my fingers onto the page.

It’s been said that good story endings need to feel both surprising and inevitable. When the writing is going well, it all feels like that, not just the ending.

The first order of business is getting to know the characters. If there’s a reliable or consistent way to do this however, I haven’t figured it out yet. Eventually, if I plant my butt in the chair and keep typing, it all works out.

RH: Describe your workspace to us.

MS: -I wrote My Name Is Russell Fink in the bonus room or our first house. I started it on a clunky PC and finished it on a sleek Mac laptop. (And yes, that makes me a Mac snob!)

Return Policy was written at our dining room table, which just happened to be parked for nineteen months at my brother/sister-in-law’s house.

Now, I write tucked away in an odd rectangle just off the rec room in our new house. I did eventually wear the old Mac out and have “new” one. Most nights I sit on a rickety office chair, bellied up to Alicia’s grandfather’s old desk.

Sometimes, just for the sake of variety, I will rearrange all the clutter.

RH: What were your favorite picture books as a child? What are your children’s favorite picture books?

MS: -Are You My Mother?

Legend has it, that I used to read this book upside down. RH: (Why am I not surprised?)

As for my kids, they LOVE books. And we have tons of them. I really don’t know if they have favorites, per se. But they too love the Dr. Seuss books, as well as Silverstein and Milne. And I’m not sure these qualify as picture books, but we’re all huge fans of Patricia Polacco books.

RH: What books or authors influenced you most as a writer?

MS: -The easy (and true) answer is: Every writer I’ve ever read.

Specifically though, I credit Richard Russo’s Straight Man as the book that finally convinced me to try my hand at writing. I’m a pretty big fan of Nick Hornby, Douglas Coupland, Flannery O’Connor, John Irving, and Lorrie Moore as well.

RH: What is one thing most people don’t know about you?

MS: -To quote one of my least favorite songwriters ever: “I’m a sexy man trapped in an ugly man’s body.”

---Well, that's it for now. I'll post Part 2 tomorrow...or the next day...or the day after that. There will be a give-away, too. And no, it's not a pair of goofy glasses.

Meet Michael Snyder: Talented Author, Funny Guy, International Olive-Pitting Champion, and oh yes, My Nephew

...well, most everything in the title above is true.

Yes, we have a published author in my family. Michael is married to Alicia, the oldest of my six favorite nieces, and he doesn't know it, but I liked him before I ever met him. Fran and I happened to visit Alicia right after she started dating Michael and I could tell by the look on her face when she talked about him that he was someone very special.

Shortly after he became part of our family, he gave Ellen, the youngest of my six favorite nieces, a drawing, that if we had thought about it, would have been a tip-off of things to come. Somehow, this little 3/4 inch X 1 1/2 inch drawing came into my mother's possession, and I am able to show it to you here because my mother doesn’t throw anything away. Case in point: she still has taped on an index card half of a sewing needle that came out of my foot years after it went in. But, enough about me. Back to Michael’s drawing.

At first glance, you might think that the little man is holding a piece of paper behind his back. No. That white box is actually a cut-out, which is very important because, you see, if you take your index finger and bend it down at the second knuckle and strategically place it behind the picture, it will appear that the little man's little draaars have fallen down to reveal the little man's little bottom. (Now you can see how the addition of Michael to our family gave us the sophistication we so desperately craved.)

So, fourteen years and four children later, when he is not working his regular job, being a devoted family man and fixing things around the house, Michael writes (and drinks a lot of coffee).

His second book, Return Policy, published by Zondervan, was just released a couple months ago. I really liked his first book, My Name is Russell Fink, but I really, really enjoyed this new one. Michael's writing is wonderfully funny and I find myself resisting the urge to highlight some of his observations, memorize them and then drop these witticisms into conversation at appropriate times to impress friends and acquaintances.

















"Once a year my senile aunt tries to kill me." - That's how Return Policy begins. Over the course of the novel we are introduced to three main characters, Willy, Ozena, and Shah, whose narratives and complicated lives intertwine before too long. I won't tell you much more except to say that early in the story we find Willy trying every which way (and without success) to destroy his espresso machine.

I have to admit, I don't read a lot of Christian fiction, mainly because I find much of it predictable and preachy. But Michael's writing is edgy, and filled with humor and compassion. He tackles tough issues and causes me to examine my own life and charity toward others. I would classify the genre as contemporarily quirky, or quirkily contemporary. Hey, Michael, if you are reading this, what do you think?

At Amazon you can read some great reviews by folks who do a much better job expressing my sentiments about Michael's writing.

In a few days I will post an interview with Michael that I think you will enjoy. Perhaps you would like to know that I will be giving a signed copy of Return Policy to one lucky person. But more about that next time. Thanks for stopping by!

Seth

UPDATE: Seth is doing well after surgery. Thanks for your prayers. If interested, you can read about it at The Johnson Family Blog: Seth's Surgery

This little guy belongs to Dave and Leanna (my niece). He has been a wonderful addition to their family.

Please pray for Seth today. He has a three-hour surgery ahead of him this afternoon. The surgeons will be repairing his cleft palette. Pray that they will have wisdom and steady hands. Oh, and I'm sure Dave and Leanna would appreciate your prayers for them as well as they wait for the surgery to be completed.

Thanks!

Father's Day

We spent Father's Day in Dixon with our daughter-in-law, Tara, grandson, Khale, and Tara's parents, Stan and Becky. We had lunch at the Senior Center. They have a Hog Roast a couple times a year in order to raise money for their Meals on Wheels program. Let me tell you, that was the best hog I ever tasted! And the rest of the food wasn't bad, either.

Khale with his favorite dog, Coco

Khale gave Grandpa Fran and Grandpa Stan each a card with a special fill-in-the-blank note he had completed at school. The last line is: "My Grandfather is as handsome as..." and Khale completed the sentence with "the handsomest man on earth." Fran was feeling pretty good about himself until he read the same line on Grandpa Stan's card. His read: "My Grandfather is as handsome as...God himself!" How do you top that? Score one for Stan!

Coco, the miniature pinscher in the photo above, had a near-death experience recently. She wandered out into the highway in front of Tara's house and four cars passed over her before someone could stop and scoop her up from the highway. (Good thing she only remembered the first two points of the "stop, drop and roll" fire safety commands.) Tara and Khale rushed her to the vet's and they observed her for a few days for swelling, since she took a blow to her head. It was during the time when she was back home and, shall we say, a little medicated, that Tara painted her nails.

Anyway, it was a great day. Thanks, Tara and Khale, for always making us smile!

Just As We Were

I had a wonderful childhood, fantastic parents and a brother and sister who were always there for me.

I grew up in the 50's in a Christian family. We attended a little Bible Chapel in St. Louis County and were there whenever the doors were open. Our social and spiritual life pretty much revolved around activities at the church or with church friends. Ever present at our frequent Potluck Suppers were tuna casserole and one or two molded jello salads internally adorned with canned fruit and miniature marshmallows. One Friday evening a month the youth group would go to Sunshine Mission to serve meals and conduct the evening service.

At home we had evening family devotionals, or "family altar time" as some at our church called it. Most of the time they were nice; a few Bible verses read and briefly discussed, then a closing prayer. However, one particular year my mother decided to try something new for the December days leading up to Christmas. She bought a big candle, one that was about 12 inches high and maybe 4 inches in diameter. Down the side of the candle, in a straight vertical row, she attached 24 sequins, equally spaced apart. Alternating the red and green sequins added a festive touch. Then, (Pay attention. Here's were it gets exciting) every evening after supper, we would gather in the living room, mom or dad would light the candle at the beginning of family devotions. Our togetherness would last until the candle burned from the top sequin to the next one down. The idea was to get to the last sequin on Christmas eve.

The devotion would go something like this:

• Dad would open in prayer, then read a chapter or two from one of the Gospels.
• Dad would expound on what we had just read and then ask for our thoughts.
• Awkward silence.
• Mom would interject something.
• More awkward silence.
• My sister would say that she had to go to the bathroom.
• We waited until she returned.
• Dad would add another thought.
• Say it with me: awkward silence.
• Dad would say something like "Well, if there are no other thoughts, then we'll close in prayer."
• Dad would close in prayer.
• We would run for the hills, vamoose, go while the getting was good.

It didn't take too many evenings of this before my brother, sister and I decided my folks needed an "intervention," for their sakes as well as ours. Well, okay, mostly for ours. So we took turns sneaking into the living room during the day when no one was around and we would light that candle and let it burn down a bit. Just a bit. Not all the way to the next sequin. No, that would be too obvious. But down enough to make the evening's togetherness a little more meaningful. A little more bearable. A little shorter. Hey, we had homework to do.

I don't remember hearing the phrase "born again" at that time, although we knew the verse "Jesus sayeth unto him, 'Ye must be born again.'" And we did sing a song that started with "Do you know that you've been born again?" I don't want my tone to be construed as cynical, because my parents were great (as I've already mentioned, but had to say again to cover any residual guilty feelings I may have in writing this), our church family was wonderful, always putting actions behind words. But it was the '50s and out of that emerged, I assume, the prevalence of the phrase "born again."

So do you have similar church memories? Come back tomorrow because there will be a multiple choice quiz that will help you determine your own personal born again quotient. It will be fun. I'll light a candle and tell you when you are finished.

Seth Matthew

Look at that face...

Dave and Leanna have returned from China with their new son, Seth.

Bootsie and Murphy and What You Don't Know about Your Friends

Bootsie was our first dog. She was a Boston Bull and she moved with us from the house pictured here (in Overland, MO) to our house in Florissant. We had a fenced in back yard, but a big dog jumped the fence and, well, you know what happened. Bootsie was five or six years old by then, had never had puppies, and the vet said that delivering the pups would be a big risk to her. We all decided that we wanted Bootsie to be safe. So the vet aborted the puppies. The sad thing was that Bootsie died on the operating table. We were so upset. I remember mom telling us when we came home from school that day. I walked down to the end of the street and sat on the curb, crying for a long time. Funny, as I'm telling the story, it's the first time I've wondered why I left the house to go cry on the curb.

I was relating this story to my good college friend and comedy partner, Kris, and she disclosed that she, too, had a Boston Bull Terrier when she was a child. We have known each other now for close to 40 years, have laughed and cried together, been roommates for a time, even did some amateur detective work to bring to justice the man who slammed his car into the side of my car and fled. Once we took a trip to Riverside, California to visit Kris's mom and dad. I saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time and nearly drown in it as Kris stood on the shore laughing at me. We have both always been dog lovers and when we graduated from college, we shared a little apartment in Abilene, TX with her beautiful Irish Setter, Shawn. And yet, we were amazed to find out that we did not know that we both had Boston Bulls as our first family pet. Here's a picture of Kris with her dog, Murphy. Cute, huh? I'm thinking it's Eastertime and Kris is going to have to fight Murphy off from her basket with that big lollipop in her hand.

Welcome, Seth!

My niece, Leanna, and her husband, Dave,

are now the proud parents of Seth Matthew Johnson.

Congratulations!

Their blog is http://djohnson-family.blogspot.com/